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In Pursuit of Happiness

Madan Kandara - Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Can we start with a question? What do you actually enjoy? Being a compassionate personality, affectionate to the family and friends, a day full of working challenges and meeting those challlenges, a game of golf on lovely sunny day, a drinking session with friends, an outing with your loved one or just speading yourself alone on couch and read your favourite book? The list can go on and on. Most will say, we like all of these things.

Why? These and many more things, you can list according to your liking are feel good times. Is this, feel good is about all, which makes you happy? If it does, you can lable that period as you happy time.

Happiness is that moment or period in your life when you feel as 'being in the zone', 'in trans' or what is labelled as 'in flow', depending on your liking to the terms. Broadly, all these terms may be meaning all the same and is a 'state of your mind where you can focus all your energies on one activity to the point where you become oblivious to every thing else surronding you.Even oblivious to the passing of the time.How long one can sustained that, is an individual specific thing.

Scientists, world over say it comes with changes in the body and brain leading to a certain neurophysilogical stage. Some, even suggest it is genetically predisposed. Whatever, it is, I can bet, all of us have felt it some time in our lives.

Here is another question. How will you feel relief without frustration, shadow without having felt a scortching sun, food without hunger, success without failure, laughter without crying or happiness without having been sad? Definitely, we can not feel one without other in the real sense.

So, what does it means? Are these experiences two sides of the same coins or is a hand in glove? If, so why are we constantly seeking to look at only one side of coin? Happiness that is. Why can't we accept the other side coins as listed above? Since, we live a life which is full of both i.e.fun and frustration, sorrow and joy, delight and disappointnet, why we can not have sadness coupled with happiness?

Does the happiness means getting what we want? Not necessarily, the expert says. More peoples agree, what is not happiness than, what is happiness. Many exeprt and enumerable literature will tell you that, traditionally happiness comes from with-in. Increasing number of people these days are hell bend on proving this fundamental teaching wrong. Their point of arguement is- why we can not have it 'from outside to in and not from inside to out only'?

To achieve a level of contentment and be really happy, one should have meaning in their lives, feel being valued and need a sense of belonging.

Many people are content with being fullfilled than happy.

Many others are seeking immediate gratification.Any body, who seeks immediate gratification may or may not know but, all they are actually seeking in immediate gratification is really a dissatisfaction. For start, most of the times, immediate gratification does not give you sense of fulfillment and more importantly it is likely to be devoid of values and lacks meaning.

There is no 'set-in-stone' formula for the acheiving happyness. However, inculcating and practicing any or all of the traits listed below will atleast keep you fulfilled, if not entirely happy. So, here we go:

1) LEARN TO PAY YOUR THANKS

Do you know some one, who you think deserved a thank but, you have not thanked him/her. Correct yourself and convey your appreciation immediately. By expressing your gratitute where it is due, is surely going to increase the counts of your blessings.Practice it actively from now on.You will be surprised, the kind of feeling of happiness and relaxation it gives you.

2) DO NOT DROP YOUR CHIN

Remember there is no one in this world, who have not had a disapointment in his/her life.But, not every one is looking down.So, why should you? Keep your best possible life scenerio in front of you and have a belief in your ability. Like happiness, disappointments are temporary phase of your life. Remember your best achievements and successes.You can top that or for sure repeat it.Having said that, do not just be seated on your laurels as well.Keep on moving.

3) EXTEND A HELPING HAND WHEN YOU CAN

Have you bumped on some one you never knew, and spontaneously or instictively did some little gesture we call help. I am sure you have. Now, remember those moments and how your heart was feeling or just remember the moment in front of mirror and watch the glow on your face. Happy. Always endeavour to do something good for others, whenever possible. Be that a family, a friend or a stranger. It won't hurt you but, any such extension of helping hand, which you can directly, indirectly, planned or spontaneuosly is going to boost your confidence and self-esteem immensly.

4 ) BE CHALLENGING

Have you experience sometime, when you thougt it is 4 pm but, it was actually 6pm. This is because you were absorbed so much in what you were doing-the task at hand that, you were oblivious to time. Were you in a trans? Only you will know..Just meeting that challenge and completing it to satisfaction is all that matter. Engage often in challenges.

5) LEARN TO COPE

There are so many unknowns in our day to day activities that, disappointments, frustrations and even stress are bound to come.In these ecomocally challenging times, even some hardships and traumatic experiences are likely to be encounterd. To counter act all these, we have to have some effective coping strategies. So we can over come these snags and keep on moving to our goals ASAP.

6) CAPTURE YOUR LITTLE JOYS

How many times we encounter a little wonder in our life and we overlook that moment of joy just because we have some thing more serious at our hand to do. Take a little time out and re-live that joyous moment, implant it in your memory and savour it.If possible, share it with some one and celeberate.Why it has to be a big achievement only for celeberation?

7) YOU ARE UNIQUE

No body else can be you and you can't be any body else.So, why compare? For example- a young budding talented golfer being labelled as next Tiger Wood or a young talented tennis player is billed to be next Roger Federer. Avoid any comparison at social, professional, community, race or nationality levels. These comparison are always unhelpful.Often these comparison will, put some undue pressure on you and bite on your vital time and distract your attention focus from your real task.You are only one of the kind, as is Tiget Wood and Roger Federer.

8) WHATEVER IT TAKES

Don't ever give up or quit In order to pursue your goals be that short or long term, committment is all important thing. By committment, I mean anything and everything.Yes, nothing stand between you and your goals in pursuits of your goals. Leave no stone unturned.Resetting a goal is not same as giving up.

9) BELIEF IN VALUES

Keeping your values and firm belief in your values are very important.Your best recognition is being yourself, not as a pretender. It is going to bite you and not any body else.So, be that at social, releigious or professional levels, hold on to your values, your beliefs Practicing in your values and spirituality in very important to keep you going.All faiths have values, it depends on you to choose them correctly and practice them on others the way you would like it to practice on yourself.

10) BE HUMBLE

By being humble and forgiving even when you are hurt is going to save you a lot of energy, time and resources. To vent anger or resentment towards the people who have wronged you or hurt you is only going to add to the list of your problems and not reduce it. If you want to achieve success shorten your problems list.

11) LEST YOU CARE FOR YOUR BODY, IT WON'T CARE FOR YOU

Always listen your body. Experts say, if you don't listen to your body, it will stop listening to you.Doing moderate physical activities and some relaxation every day goes a long way to energise and re-vitalize yourself. Remember an unhealthy body can not think in healthy maner.Your thoughts are always the first step to any action you might take in pursuits of your goals.

12) NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

How many times we take things for granted particularly, from our close relationships.One of the best advise, I got on my wedding day was that, "marriages are made in heaven but, we have to worked on it to last them on earth". So true. We are all generally less appreciative of our loved one's as compared to those we don't know. It will do wonders, if we can be more appreciative and affirmative of our relationships and also much more enjoyable and lasting , if we work to cultivate the healing of relationships in every day's practice.